


Taking the Bait

by Evil_Little_Dog



Series: College Life [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Canon: Fullmetal Alchemist (2003), Canon: Fullmetal Alchemist Manga, Community: fma_fic_contest, Extremely Dubious Consent, Gen, Humor, Minor Violence, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-29
Updated: 2009-08-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 07:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Little_Dog/pseuds/Evil_Little_Dog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary:  Edward Elric is in trouble. It’s up to his fellow Greeks to try to get him out of it.<br/>Disclaimer:  *bows to the rising sun and Arakawa*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking the Bait

**Author's Note:**

> Much thanks to Cornerofmadness for last minute assistance, including suggesting I ~~steal~~ borrow the frat/sorority names from some of the movies we both…grew up with. Yeah.

The Frisbee sailed through the air, seeming to hover for a few seconds before a breeze blew it off course. Roy grabbed it before it could hit Riza in the head, sending it soaring back toward the girls across the quad. One waved and shouted her thanks, making Roy waved back in response. 

“Do you think they meant it to hit me?” Riza glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, her mouth tilting up just a bit.

“I’m not taking any chances.” Roy placed his hand in the center of her back, guiding her toward the section of the quad the Delts had claimed as their own. The grass was practically littered with Greeks. Hughes lay sprawled in the sun, Gracia’s head pillowed on his stomach, while Olivia and Breda were bent over a game of Go. Havoc didn’t even bother to pretend reading his book, his eyes fixed on the Frisbee players. Armstrong, Olivia’s little brother, moved fluidly through his tai chi stances, a few girls eyeing him like he was beef on display. “So, Hughes.” Roy waited for Riza to settle herself on the grass and sat next to her. “What’s the news?”

“The sun is out, it’s a beautiful day and I’ve got spring fever.” Hughes stroked Gracia’s hair absently, twirling a strand around his finger. 

“That’s not news, Maes.” Gracia scolded him. 

“Says you, honeybunch.” Hughes twisted his neck to look at Roy. “The Omegas are planning something.”

Roy perked up. “Something like what?” He didn’t realize a deadly little smile lit his face at the idea of a challenge.

“He put Falman and Fuery to work on it, Chief.” Havoc fished in his pocket for a packet of cigarettes, lighting one up.

“Yup.” Hughes nodded. 

“God, Falman will bore them to tears.” Roy rolled his eyes eloquently at the idea. Falman wasn’t really the best choice – the man had all the knowledge of Mr. Spock, and frighteningly, somewhat resembled the character, but with prematurely grey hair – and could be just as tedious as the Vulcan, too. He reconsidered, kicking Hughes lightly in the shoulder. “You sent Fuery in? They’ll eat him alive.”

“Relax, Roy-boy.” Hughes waved off Roy’s concern. “I also sent an ace in the hole – Alphonse Elric.”

“You didn’t,” Gracia and Riza blurted out at the same time, Gracia sitting up as she spoke while Riza leaned toward Hughes, her brows knitting together. 

“What?” Hughes pushed himself up, surprised. “What’s wrong with Al?”

“He’s a kid, for one.” Riza’s reminder made Hughes shrug.

“So he’s a kid. He’s sweet and charming. And he’s smart; look, he’s fifteen and a sophomore in college.” 

Alphonse was just one of the wunderkinder populating the hallowed halls of Faber College. Oh, there was some sort of rumor that he had ‘help’ entering the school; there were always those kinds of rumors. Roy took them with a grain of salt. Alphonse was exactly as Hughes said, a sweet and charming kid, but the strength of steel ran through him. That Alphonse might’ve bought his way into Faber seemed ludicrous. Besides, his dad was a professor teaching at Faber. 

Then there was Alphonse’s older brother, Edward. Only a year separated them but their personalities were so different. Edward butted heads with just about everyone on campus; from the dean down to lunch lady Doris. Fortunately, he seemed to like – or maybe he was scared of – the Lambdas; the Delta’s sister sorority. Roy wasn’t sure he, himself, wasn’t scared of the Lambdas. Riza, Olivia and Izumi were about the most frightening women on campus. He was just glad they were on his side. 

“Roy, you need to put a stop to this.” Riza’s firm voice interrupted his thoughts. 

“Sorry, Riza, it’s already in motion.” Hughes spread his hands, not looking at all apologetic. Riza fixed him with a stare that had brought lesser men to their knees. Hughes blew her a kiss and she made a disgusted noise in her throat. “Besides, Al’s a smart kid. He knows when he’s outclassed – and I’ve never seen him outclassed yet.”

“Besides, he’ll have Falman to back him up.” Havoc blew a smoke ring. “If nothing else, the man’ll talk the Omegas to death.”

“I’m just thinking what Edward will do if something happens to his little brother.” Riza’s dry voiced concern caught Hughes’ attention. 

“He’s already on a short fuse,” Gracia added, her pretty face set in a frown.

“When isn’t he?” Breda asked, not bothering to look up from his game. “That kid’s got a chip on his shoulder the size of Alaska.” 

“But you sent Al to the Omegas.” Gracia poked her boyfriend in the stomach, making Hughes wince. “And the Thetas are attached to the Omegas at the hip.”

“And?” Roy looked from Gracia to Riza and back again. “If you ladies know something we men don’t, it might be good to share, don’t you think?”

Riza’s mouth tightened and she glanced at Gracia, who nodded. “We overheard Siren talking with Lust in the gym.”

Havoc dragged his attention away from the Frisbee players. “Yeah? You didn’t get a good look at them naked, did you?”

Gritting her teeth, Riza said, “You’re the pervert, Havoc, not me.”

“Ignore him.” Roy flapped a hand at Havoc, who grinned, completely unrepentant. “The man is a lecher, we know that.” 

“You’re the one with the miniskirt fetish, boss.” Havoc’s smile broadened when Roy shot him the ‘shut up!’ glance. “Just sayin’.”

“There are ways of curing all those problems.” Olivia lounged back, looking over her shoulder toward them. “It’s called a gelding knife.”

“Ow. Ow.” Havoc winced hard. “Man, why do we let her hang out with us?”

“Because she’s decorative and clever,” Roy said, even as his balls retreated into his body cavity at Olivia’s suggestion. “And Alex Louis is fond of his eldest sister.”

“Back to the subject of Edward and Alphonse.” Riza certainly was a no-nonsense woman, something that appealed to Roy much of the time. 

Gracia nodded, shifting her weight, obviously uncomfortable with the subject matter. Hughes dropped his hand on her shoulder, now concerned with what the women had to say. “What happened?”

Riza screwed up her mouth, as if she wanted to spit. “Siren happened. She and Lust were laughing about it; asking Edward for help with their chem classwork and then spiking his drink with roofies.” 

“Oh, hell.” Hughes face closed in on itself, his eyes narrowing. “What happened to the kid?”

“What do you think happened?” Riza folded her arms, jerking her chin in the direction of the Theta house. 

Gracia folded her hands together. “Lust said there are pictures of the boy. Can you imagine? The spring fling is coming up; Edward’s girlfriend is coming in, remember? She’s going to stay at our house. How do you think she’ll feel if those pictures get out? How do you think Ed will feel?” 

“Maybe this is what the Omegas are plotting.” Hughes rubbed his stubbled chin. 

Well, hell. Even if it wasn’t Ed’s fault, even if Siren had laced whatever he was drinking, the facts remained that Ed was a minor, not to mention a member of Delta house. Roy had no doubt that the incriminating photos wouldn’t actually show any of the Thetas; just enough flesh to make the viewer realize what was going on. God, why couldn’t this have happened ten years ago? Film and negatives were so much easier to find than a thumbdrive or a memory card. “We need to know if those pictures are actual film or on a card.” Roy raised his voice. “Breda, you hearing this?”

“Sure, chief. Card. Camera. Siren.” He raised his gaze from the gameboard. “Olivia, wanna go on a snipe hunt?” 

Olivia’s smile wasn’t very pleasant, in fact, it gave Roy chills. He really was glad the Lambdas were on his side. “For the sake of the red shrimp? I suppose I do need to get involved. Besides, you’ll need someone to keep you from the temptations spread before you, Breda.” 

He snorted in response, putting away the game pieces. “I’m not the one with the boob fetish. That’s Havoc.” Breda ignored the grunt from Havoc’s direction. “I like my women with brains.” 

“All right.” Roy rubbed his palms together. “Find out what you can. Hughes and I will tackle Kimbley and Archer. Siren and Lust aren’t that bright; I’m sure they had help with their idea.”

Hughes held up his hands. “Kimbley and Archer? You’re joking, right? Those psychopaths are bad enough singly. We’re gonna take them on together?” Groaning, he pushed his glasses up to rub the bridge of his nose. “Man, this is gonna end badly, I just know it.”

“Aw, honey, you’re clever. Almost as clever as Olivia.” Gracia stood on her toes to kiss Hughes’ cheek. “You’ll be fine.”

“Almost as clever.” Hughes pursed his mouth at Gracia’s giggle. “Fine, fine. Roy-boy, when are we casting ourselves to the wolves, here?”

Roy shrugged. “I was thinking no time like the present. The longer we wait, the better chance they have of getting their evidence together and spread over the campus.” His countenance took on a dark cast. “If Dean Bradley gets hold of those pictures….”

“Edward Elric is an outstanding student, Roy.” Alex Louis’ bluff tones showed he’d been paying attention to the conversation, even if it might not have seemed that way. “I doubt the Dean would be willing to expel him, particularly considering who Edward’s father is.” 

“Van Hohenheim.” The name alone conjured up a variety of images; the absent-minded professor of archeology, sort of a modern-day Indiana Jones. The prestige he brought to the college could easily be marred by his son’s indiscretions, even though neither brother carried their father’s last name. “I think that makes it all the more likely Siren and Lust will act against Edward and the Deltas.” 

Hughes slapped Roy on the back. “Well, guess we’ve got our work cut out for us, then. Are you sure we can’t let Breda and Olivia deal with Kimbley and Archer and we take care of the ladies? I’d rather run interference with them than deal with those snakes in the grass.”

“Exactly why we’re going after the bigger prey.” Roy smiled, his eyes brightening at the promise of the hunt. “C’mon, Hughes. This is going to be fun.” 

“Kimbley and Archer are not fun. Beer and darts, that’s fun.” Hughes straightened the collar of his pullover. “God, the things I let you talk me in to.” 

“Havoc and I do not have assignments yet, Roy.” Alex Louis sounded reproachful. 

“Hmm.” Roy exchanged glances with Hughes. 

“Why don’t you two hold down the fort?” Hughes waved at Gracia and Riza. “Take our lovely ladies to get refreshing drinks? Decorate the house for the spring fling?”

Later, Roy realized he should’ve been more specific and actually given Alex Louis an assignment. But that was later. 

* * *

“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Professor Hohenheim.” Alex Louis Armstrong completely dwarfed his chair, his body wedged in behind the desk arm. 

“Oh, of course, Alex Louis. Anything for a Greek brother of my sons.” His gentle smile twisted somewhat. “Well, except for doctoring your grades. Not that you need anything like that.”

“No, sir. The Armstrong family have a long-standing tradition of being straight-A students!” He flourished his bicep almost automatically. “I am not in need of any additional classwork to better my grade.” 

“I can see that.” Hohenheim tugged at his chin. “But that doesn’t explain why you’re here, unless you wanted to tell me about your family lineage.”

Brow beetling, Armstrong shook his head. “No, sir. I did want to warn you that someone has played a rather degrading prank on your son, Edward.”

Hohenheim bit back a snicker, hitching his hip up on the edge of his desk and folding his arms to cover his amusement. “Did he deserve it? Ed is such a brat and I know it. I am his father.”

“He did not deserve this. No one deserves to have this sort of thing happen.” Armstrong folded his hands, obviously disturbed by the story. 

Interested in spite of himself – Edward had warned his father on numerous occasions that he was doing just fine without any “half-assed fatherly assistance” – Hohenheim leaned toward Armstrong. “Why don’t you tell me what you know?” 

By the time Alex Louis had finished his tale, Hohenheim’s knuckles were white from clenching his hands too tight.

* * *

“Well, that wash a busht.” Hughes rubbed his jaw, making whining sounds. A bruise marred the side of his face where Archer had thrown a lucky punch. “Ow. Ow. Remind me never to follow you anywhere again, Roy.”

“Like you’d listen anyway.” Roy wasn’t without collateral damage himself. His gut ached from Kimbley’s fist, though at least he’d knocked the taller man to the floor. If that sneaky bastard, William – the one the Omegas called ‘Envy’ - hadn’t suddenly appeared, he and Hughes could’ve taken Archer and Kimbley. William was a pain in the ass and completely psychotic. It was a fifty-fifty chance he’d side with his own house or with the Deltas. Luck of the draw today; he’d sided with the Omegas. “I feel like I got kicked by a horse.”

“You do? I think Archer was packing a set of brash knucklesh.” Hughes wearily climbed the steps to the Delta house. “God, why do I let you talk me into thish nonshenshe.”

Roy followed him up the steps, thinking he might have to take a breather on the third one. “Because you can’t resist playing the hero and riding in on your white horse.” 

Hughes sneered back at him, hauling the door opening and limping inside. He held the door for Roy, who remarked, “See? Chivalry isn’t dead.” 

“You’re shuch an ashhole.”

“I’ve been saying that since I started school here.” The clear, brash voice rang through the common room and Roy spotted Edward Elric, sprawled sideways in an old orange and yellow wingback chair that had probably outlasted the fifties. That it still was ‘alive’ said something to its manufacture, or maybe just no one wanted to sit in the hideous thing. Roy certainly wouldn’t have. 

“Ed?” Hughes started across the room to him. “You okay?”

An eyebrow tilted up and the young man wriggled a little more, so his head was resting against one of the wings of the chair. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Edward frowned. “And shouldn’t you be worried about yourself?” He gestured at Hughes’ cheek. “Did you walk into someone’s fist or something?”

“Well, actually,” Hughes began.

Roy interrupted. “That’s not important.” He ignored Hughes’ hurt look. “There’s a rumor going around campus that you had an encounter – of a sexual nature, no less – with Siren and Lust.” Roy leaned against the wall, his arms folded, watching Edward’s expression twist in confusion. 

“I…what?”

“Riza and Gracia overheard Siren and Lust talking about you. That they’d asked you to help them with their chem class.” The words came out simple and staccato. “So, Edward, did Siren slip you a roofie and have her way with you?”

Roy knew Edward had lied in the past. Hell, the boy’s world seemed full of half-truths and misdirections – Roy half thought Edward was preparing for a life in politics with the way he talked. He expected a story; Edward to wave off the question. Instead, the boy’s mouth tightened, a frown creasing his forehead. “Didn’t figure she’d say anything.”

“You mean she did?” Hughes flopped on the ugly brown sofa next to Ed’s chair. Roy made a mental note to discuss new furniture for the common area at the next meeting. 

Edward hunched in on himself. “I…” With an eloquent shrug, he spoke to his laced together hands. “Not sure. I mean…it’s kind of hazy. I woke up…” His cheeks stained red, “naked,” the word came out hollow, “on a strange bed. My clothes were all there and I, uh…well…someone might’ve had some fun.” Glaring, Edward shot a glance at both men. “Don’t think it was me.”

Roy bit back the automatic riposte of, ‘What, too small for the women to find?’ Edward probably would go for the throat at that type of question today. Besides, the kid looked worried behind his bravado.

Hughes cleared his throat, reaching over to pat Edward’s knee. “Look, I know this has to be hard, but we need to talk safety and practicality.”

Snarling, Edward swung his legs off the arm of the chair, on his feet almost before Roy saw him move. “You’re not my dad, Hughes! Lay off!” Because it was Hughes, Roy knew Edward wouldn’t say anything too derogatory. Edward actually liked Hughes. Well, the crazies always did stick together.

“He has a valid point, Edward.” That brought the furious gaze around Roy’s way. He met Edward’s eyes levelly. “You don’t want to find out you’ve got an S.T.D. the hard way, now do you? Especially with your girlfriend coming to the spring fling.” 

Edward’s face went scarlet, his nostrils flaring. Roy almost expected his skull to pop open with a steam whistle blowing. “Fine. Fine. I’ll go to the clinic and get tested. Dammit.” He stomped his way toward the door. 

“Hey, Ed?” Roy turned to follow the boy with his eyes. “There’s more.”

He froze in mid-clomp. “What?” Turning slowly, Edward showed his teeth, resembling a terrier preparing to bite. “What more?”

“Ed,” Hughes stumbled to his feet, joining Roy against the wall. “Siren said she had photos.”

Exhaling so gustily his bangs flipped up, Edward waved off Hughes. “Pfft.”

Roy caught his shoulder before Edward could escape. “This is important, Edward. It could affect your standing at Faber. Hell, it could screw up your father’s position here; maybe at any college.” When that didn’t seem to be reaching the boy, Roy added, “Or screw up Alphonse’s place.”

Yeah, that did it. Edward’s expression went from snarly to stunned, just like that. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Hughes rolled his eyes. “I traded punchesh with that slime, Archer, and all you shay is ‘oh’?”

“You guys got into a fight with the Omegas for me?” Edward wrinkled his nose. “Why?”

Fighting to keep from smacking the kid in the back of the head, Roy managed to get out, “Because you’re a Delta, you little brat, and we look out for our own.”

“Couldn’t find the photosh, though. Well, not that way.” Hughes probed his bruise with careful fingers. “Maybe Breda and Olivia’ll have better luck.” 

Edward snickered. His smirk was all damning and Roy wondered just where Edward had learned to master it. “That’s ‘cause I have ‘em.” 

“You…” Hughes shot Roy a look. 

All of Edward’s teeth came out. “If you’re gonna take pictures for blackmail later, it helps,” he fished a memory card from his pocket, a magician’s flourish, “if you don’t leave the camera in the bedroom with the blackmailee.” 

“Gimme that!” Hughes grabbed for the card but Edward was too fast; it disappeared back into his pocket. Roy didn’t think Hughes would go after it there but with Hughes, you never knew for sure. 

“I already checked. Yes, there are pictures of me on there. No, you don’t get to see them.” Edward danced out of Hughes range with Hughes made a grab for him. “You really are a pervert, Hughes.” 

“Only for Roy.” Hughes leered and Roy rolled his eyes. 

Edward’s lip curled in disgust. “You’re creeping me out here, Hughes. And you’ve got really bad taste in men.”

“You had the photos all along.” Roy took a step closer to Edward while his attention was focused on Hughes.

“Yeah. I did.” Edward noticed Roy’s approach and took a step back. “What? How was I to know you’d go to the Omegas?” Another step back. Edward didn’t seem to realize he was backing into Hughes. He hooked a thumb at his chest. “I take care of myself.” 

Hughes grabbed him, making Edward squeak. “Yeah. And now, we’re gonna take care of you.” 

* * *

“…and, class dismissed.” Hohenheim watched as the kids started filing out of the room. “Mr. Elric? If you could stay behind.” 

Edward’s glower spoke volumes at being asked to wait. The casual slam of his books in his backpack echoed that irritation. When the last student had left the classroom, Hohenheim went to the door, closing it with a decided ‘click.’ “Take a seat, son.”

“Don’t call me that, old man.” Edward remained standing, obstinate as always. “What do you want?”

“Firstly, why are you limping?” 

“Stupid Mustang.” There was more to it than that, but Edward’s voice dropped down to an irritated grumble, impossible to discern what he actually was saying. 

Shaking his head mentally, Hohenheim leaned his backside against his desk. “It has been brought to my attention that you had an…encounter, shall we say, with a young woman. Young women, I mean.”

Edward’s skin flushed brilliant. “Who told you? It was that bastard, Mustang!” His fists clenched and he started toward the door.

“It wasn’t Mr. Mustang, Edward. And it doesn’t really matter who did tell me.” Hohenheim sighed. “I wish you’d have come to me, son, and told me what happened. If I’d thought you’d get involved in something like that…”

Shifting his weight, Edward glanced toward the white board, studiously ignoring Hohenheim. “I was stupid. I paid the price.”

“But your initial experience with a woman should never have been like that.” Hohenheim peered through his glasses at Edward.

“It wasn’t, all right!” 

The clock above the whiteboard seemed to be ticking very loudly in the seconds that passed before Hohenheim could react to that particular insight into his son’s life. “Are you saying you have already…partaken of that particular pleasure?” A sly smile crept across his face. “Was it with Winry?”

“Shut up, you old pervert!” Edward’s face lit up like a stoplight. A confirmation if Hohenheim had ever seen one. 

“You do know you should be taking every precaution in situations like these, don’t you, Edward?” Hohenheim adjusted his glasses while Edward sputtered out curses. “While I do approve of your relationship with Winry, I hadn’t realized it had gotten physical. Does her grandmother know?”

Inarticulate sounds squeaked out of Edward’s throat. 

“Winry is supposed to come for the spring fling, isn’t she? Perhaps I should contact Pinako, make sure she’s aware what you two have been getting up to.” Of course, knowing Pinako, she’d cheer her granddaughter on one hand and threaten to castrate his son on the other. The woman really was that bipolar at times. “And your…adventure with those other two women; I dare say you’ve already been to the clinic and been tested?”

More squeaks. Hmmm. Really, this was the most pleasant a conversation Hohenheim could remember ever having with Edward since he was about four years old. “And Alphonse…do you know what your little brother has gotten up to? Is he sexually active, as well?”

“How the hell should I know?” The words tumbled out of Edward’s throat. “I don’t ask! I don’t want to know! Hell! Why would I ask? Why would I want to know? Alphonse can take care of himself!” Edward stormed toward the door, opening it and slamming it so hard behind him, it shook the frame. 

Hohenheim counted to ten – well, attempted to; the door slammed back open before he got to ‘two’. “And another thing,” Edward shook a finger at Hohenheim as he stomped back into the classroom, “I am not talking to you about sex. Ever again! And – and if you tell that old hag – “ Something fizzled in all that fury and Edward became a sulky boy again, rather than an irate teen, “Winry won’t be able to come. And Al wants to see her.” His voice softened to a mumble as he picked up his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. “I want to see her.” 

“Then you’ll tell me when your test results come back?” Hohenheim fixed Edward with his gaze, making the boy straighten his shoulders, his own eyes sliding sideways before coming back to meet his father’s. 

“Yeah. I’ll tell you.” The admission was grudging, for a change, at least for a few seconds until the sneer returned. “As long as you don’t send ‘em to Micro-Granny or put them up on the web.”

“I look at computers and they explode, remember?” Hohenheim smiled at Edward. “Go on, get to your next class.” 

Edward muttered something that might’ve been a ‘thanks’ or ‘bye’ or ‘fuck you, old man’, but at least he was still communicating. In the end, that’s all Hohenheim could ask for.

With a sigh, Hohenheim opened his lesson book, reviewing the grades written for two young women. “Probably completely wrong of me,” he murmured, changing the last test one grade letter down, “but you don’t screw around with my boys.”

* * *


End file.
